How ‘stacking the pain’ might be the key in helping your child

How ‘stacking the pain’ might be the key in helping your child

As a new mother, I have come to experience this even more so recently where we live in an era where we don’t want our child to experience, or ‘feel’ pain. Sometimes I think “if I could literally wrap him up in cotton wool he won’t feel pain,” of course I don’t, but the thought of him knowing, experience or feeling pain, pains me. However, this might be the very key in helping your child make the changes he/she needs in order to be happy and mindful of his/her actions.   You see, people in general do more to avoid pain than what they do to get pleasure. This is because we don’t like to ‘feel’ any type of pain what so ever, even if the pain is temporary and will get us the results we want to have. Think about it, we want to lose weight, yet we are feeling stressed and see chocolate in the cupboard that would go nicely with our coffee, we reach for the chocolate and think “one won’t hurt.” Yet if we eat that chocolate every day, or create a habit of eating chocolate to relieve stress, in time, we will feel the pain, but temporary we won’t. You see, the pain of NOT eating that chocolate in that moment, is greater than the pain of not losing weight in that moment. If we want lasting change then we have to create more pain around NOT getting the results we want. The reason why we enjoy that chocolate so much is because we have linked pleasure to eating it. We have linked neuro-associations...
Why I’m NOT ‘All About that Bass’

Why I’m NOT ‘All About that Bass’

Recently I was in the car bopping along to the song “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. At first I thought “isn’t this such a great song promoting healthy body image and self love”. And I began to sing along to it. Then after the millionth time on the radio (slight exaggeration, only slight), I began to really listen to the lyrics. And it didn’t sit well with me. I began to feel uneasy about it, and I thought “perhaps this isn’t the all-empowering-female-song that so many talk about”. Here’s why: 1. “Cause I got the boom boom that all the boys chase, and all the right junk in all the right places…because boys like a little more booty to hold at night.” Is it just me, or she saying that the reason that she likes her body is because boys like it? Because they can hold it? Because she has all the right ‘junk’? So this women empowerment song, this ‘love your body’ song, is still based around the notion that your body is great because boys like it. Not because you like it. Not because you feel great in your own skin, but because boys like it, and can hold onto it. What am I, a handle bar? Or perhaps am I an object that they need to desire? What if my ‘junk’ (I’m assuming she is talking about my breasts and bottom, although I don’t think mine are ‘junk’, I really like them) is in the wrong places? Does that mean that boys won’t want to ‘chase’ it, like they’re a dog chasing after a...

Five Tips For Building Rapport With Your Students

“I F*%$king HATE YOU!” screamed a hurt and angry eleven year old boy, spit nearly hitting my face. This was my ‘welcome to teaching’; I received in the first week of the first year of my teaching career. I was gob smacked. Never did I expect to hear those words. Later it was followed by pencils being snapped, white board markers being thrown at me, and of course, the occasional run away routine. This child (let’s call him Bill) grated on me. Nothing in my four-year teaching degree could prepare me for this. I was hurt at first, took it personally and went home in tears more times than I care to remember. Nearly twelve months later, when it was time to say goodbye to this young boy, he did not want to leave my side. Tears streamed down his face as he hugged me saying “I love you, don’t leave.” Wow, what a transformation! What led to that transformation? Eight years later as I look back on my teaching career I wonder…what was it that made the difference? What turned this child around, and others? Through my study of Meta Dynamics, NLP and teaching students around the world, I have developed some simple beliefs that help me build rapport with my students, and adults too. These are: 1. We cannot change anyone else’s behaviour, the only behaviour we have any control over is our own. I could not force Bill to behave in any certain way, all I could do was change the way I related to him. I had to have the behavioural flexibility to discover what...

Tips to Maximise Your ‘Holiday Hiatus’

I love holidays; I mean, who doesn’t? It gives us an opportunity to refresh our mind, body and spirit so that we come home looking and feeling great! It also gives us an opportunity to splurge on the buffet breakfast (just one more pancake and hash brown won’t hurt, surely?), get slightly sun burnt (not to worry, it will turn into a tan), and drink those refreshing cocktails by the pool. Yep, holidays are great! However, often we can return feeling sluggish, bloated and get the post holiday blues. As I love to travel, and I am leaving for Bali in a few days for my holiday, I thought I would share some tips that are good for our mind, body and spirit whilst on holidays, so that when you’re planning your next holiday, you might like to try them too, so that you return feeling refreshed and re-energized. 1. Do some form of physical activity every day Now hear me out before you screw up your nose and switch to YouTube to check out the latest cat clips. Physical activity can be exciting and fun, and still feel like you are on holidays. Here are a few suggestions: Hire a bike: Bike riding throughout the local town or countryside is a cheap and easy way to see the local surroundings. You can explore more of the city you might not see by other means of transportation. It is also a great lower body workout, and many cities and towns have bikes to hire. Walk to explore: What better way to experience the local sights, smells, sounds and people than...

My Elevator Rules

You see, I have this elevator, it’s rather large and works just fine, however, it’s not quite as magical as the one in ‘Charlie and The Chocolate Factory’, but it does have powers. I never fully understood what type of powers it has until recently. That’s because I didn’t fully understand the purpose of my elevator, but now I do. Do you want me to share it with you? Here’s how it works: My elevator goes to multiple floors in my house. I actually have over 50 of them! Yep, my house is pretty big. However, up until recently I never really visited most of the floors in my house. I tended to favour some floors over others. Each floor created in me a difference mood, and my thoughts changed depending on what floor I was on. When I was alone, or sometimes with my husband, I would visit floor number three more often than the others. It wasn’t fancy at all; rather it was cold, and uninviting. The view wasn’t that great, and, well, let’s face it, it was miserable. I would enter this floor and feel angry, upset, frustrated, sad, alone, tired and irritable. The reason why I would visit this floor was because it was familiar to me. I knew it, it was predictable, and no matter what, I thought it was the floor I was meant to go to when I entertained certain thoughts, especially in my marriage. I tried to redecorate this floor by putting up new blinds, I ripped up the carpet and put new floorboards; I even got a brand new bedspread,...

“Thanks For Growing With Us”

As I was sitting outside, enjoying the sun, on the last lunch time duty I would have as a teacher for ‘who knows how long’, two year ten girls came up to me a little bit coy and handed me a canvas. “This is for you Miss. We will miss you. This is from all the year ten, eleven and twelve students at NCC. Thank you”, they said to me as I reached out and took the canvass. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at a picture of a tree, with long brown branches reaching out and on the end of the branches, like leaves, were each student’s finger print with their name printed in black around it. The inscription at the bottom of the picture read “Thank’s for growing with us.” My eyes welled with tears as I saw their faces beaming with admiration and love for the work they had created in order to pass on a gift to me that I would keep forever to remember them by. And as I realised how much I meant to these amazing students I knew I touched their heart in a special way, just as much as they touched mine. As I was driving home that afternoon ready to embark on a new chapter of my life I began to think about the inscription on the painting. I thought, “Isn’t it interested that they wrote ‘Thank’s for growing with us’ and not ‘Thank’s for growing us’. And this got me thinking about the role of a teacher, the role of a mentor, parent or anyone in a leadership...
Your Suffering Makes Me Appreciate What I Have – Thank You

Your Suffering Makes Me Appreciate What I Have – Thank You

Recently I have read a few Facebook posts that have made my blood boil. They don’t sit right with me. I will share why with you because I believe we can all learn from this. The posts were along these lines: An African child who is about to die of starvation looking miserable or completely hopeless with words like ’10 000 people starve to death everyday, share this picture if you hate starvation’. A video that goes for 4 minutes filled with images of starving people in Africa and India looking helpless and hopeless with statistics of poverty and then at the end it says ‘what are we doing about this? Be grateful for what you have. We need to stop hunger. Share this video and like my blog if you want to end poverty’. So at face value there is nothing wrong with sharing facts about poverty, or images, to a certain extent. After all, I previously volunteered for the Make Poverty History campaign and I run my own charity that educates children in Zimbabwe. But there are three reasons why sharing images like this actually does more harm than good: 1. Voyeurism. At the end of the day seeing image after image of someone else’s suffering does not empower the person who is suffering or empower us to make real changes. What it does is feed our obsession of viewing images of extreme suffering. In the instance of extreme poverty, unless we plan on doing something to help the person it is not our pain to share or even ‘look in on’. We can become obsessed with...

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